Post- Valentine's Weekend

Today is a rough day.

Valentine's Weekend was amazing. But today, on this dreary, cold Monday, I'm forced to remember that I'd be nearly 10 weeks along with Jesse right now. I remember that I had such an adorable Valentine's Day pregnancy announcement saved on my computer for the last few months, "just in case". I know that had things worked out, had the baby implanted safely in my uterus instead of my fallopian tube, just a few inches difference, we would have announced yesterday that our family was so full of love that it was expanding to include yet another little person. We would have announced that we were expecting a fresh little bundle of love on September 18th, 2016.

But there was no announcement made. There will be only grief and a heavy heart happening on September 18th. Our family still has love, but it's love from hearts that are still crushed and broken. Katie and Will have no idea that they almost had a new brother or sister, but it was taken away while they were on their "vacation" at their Aunt's house for two weeks.

Instead of announcing our new baby, I ordered a little statue of a sleeping baby wrapped in angel wings. Today I finished painting a little wooden cross with Jesse's name on it. Throughout the day, I keep chipping off little bits of wax from a candle that dripped on the only possession we have of Jesse's - my precious little elephant bear that Bill bought while I was in the hospital and still pregnant.

We've spent little bits of our holiday of love deciding how to honor our baby's memory. We picked and chose items that would be part of our tiny private ceremony for our tiny little baby. We've been trying to pick a date to do the ceremony on, where Jesse's things will join Elizabeth's. When our spot for one baby becomes our spot for two...half of our children.