I'm pretty stunned by the feedback we've gotten lately by family and friends. We've been very open about how crushed and full of grief we are, and yet there are some who insist on still trying to make things difficult. It's really depressing, as if our situation wasn't depressing enough. We were open about wanting to do IVF, and that was apparently a mistake. So many people are trying to tell us it's a bad idea, or it's against God, or it's a waste of money. What right does anyone have to tell someone else about how they should conceive their very wanted baby? The audacity just stuns me. I can't imagine ever doing that. I've never had a problem with people doing IVF my entire life. It's not like I'm making allowances for us now that we're in it, it's not something I was ever against at all.
Those who are speaking out against us is just showing that we can't be open and we are totally alone in this. I won't be sharing our journey to IVF with anyone on our FB anymore. It's terrible that in such grief of losing a pregnancy and fertility, no one will give us any lee-way and instead are causing divides. I can't imagine ever going to someone in mourning and telling them that their only hope is horrible sinning or a horrible idea and telling them not to do it. We've made it clear that we won't be able to do IVF for a few years, so being so negative and mean right now is really not needed at all. There's a time and a place for everything if it must be done in the first place. I've never judged people for their decisions, or what they do in mourning. I've never once spoken out to someone to tell them their personal decisions are wrong or to try and include what I think, believe, and interperate into their private decisions.
Bill and I have prayed many hours of these weeks and feel strongly about what we're meant to do. It's not just personal want, it's true belief that this isn't wrong. Maybe that means we're in the wrong religion. There are things I've never quite agreed with, but didn't feel strongly enough to leave. But maybe this is a sign in it's own. It's something else we need to pray about. My belief in God has never once waivered, not through cancer or miscarriages or anything, and it won't in this. But my personal relationship to God doesn't always match up with what the church says it should. It's hard to find any religion that's perfectly cookie cutter shaped to fit in with exact beliefs. My beliefs have been shaped on my own outside of the church as well as in. I love the church, I love masses and I believe in about 95% of what the Catholic church preaches, but if that 5% of not agreeing makes me not a true Catholic, then maybe I'm not. I don't know.
I still feel like God is guiding our footsteps and showing us where to go next. I do not feel like we're leading ourselves. If that doesn't fit in with what other's perceptions are, than so be it. It'll cause a divide and distance and that will be upsetting, but I can't give up the chance at our future children and the path I feel we're being pulled to just for people's perceptions of what we should be doing. There's still plenty of time for our hearts to change, for our situation to change. IVF might not happen at all, who knows. But that will be our decision, not others, that will make that call.
No comments:
Post a Comment