Priorities

You never quite realize how big your dreams are until you start writing down your quarterly goals for each one!

I'm about a week and a half away from launching my second business, about a month away from pitching to hospitals, and possibly only a few months away from finally getting a college degree. Bill went to look into going back to school for engineering yesterday, and while we were looking at all of his credits and what he needs, I looked into mine online. My credits seem to perfectly fall into Letters, Arts and Sciences major without me having to go back and do any further classes. I'm going to contact them this week and see if I can graduate in the next semester or two and finally be able to do the graduation walk.

I've completed about half the things I need to do to get my driver's license as well. I've gotten the physical, had the paperwork filled out by doctors, got a $9 replacement pair of glasses so I can legally be behind the wheel, found out about eye exam schedules, and downloaded the pdf on driving tests. Now I just need to get the exam, start reading the pdf, take the test for the permit, drive around for a bit, then take the driving test. It seems like graduating college, starting up a second business, putting my products into hospital gift shops, writing novels and sending them to publishers will all be easier than finding the time to practice and drive, but I'm going to add it in there anyway.

My business and writing goals are so long that they each took up a full page (so that's at least 20-25 goals per category for only the next three months!) I have so much work to do, it can get a little overwhelming. It's hard to prioritize, because everything is so important. I have to get my college degree before my credits get too old, which could be by next spring. I have to act now, and possibly do one or two more classes.

We need extra money. I need to shoulder Katie's ballet tuition, getting her ballet gear, paying for her costume and tickets, paying for birthdays, holidays, vacations and day trips, and afford all of the things I'm doing as well. (I'd also like to afford a new pair of glasses that don't scream that they only cost $9, and I'd like a laptop fund as I have no idea how much longer this one will last).  This means that I have to continue building up the business and pulling money in. And if I'm going to run one business, it's not much more time and effort to run two, and the hospital gift shops is where the money is at.

I have to do the charity. I can't run stores and not the charity, it would feel wrong. So that has to stay in place with the businesses.

I have waited 20 years to get into this position of where I can write, edit and submit novels to publishers. I'm already years behind my dream schedule. I can't release that dream again. I don't want to hold off until I'm 35 or 40 to start doing it. It's the one thing I knew I wanted to do since I was 8 years old. It needs it's time. It's time seems like now. I'm not willing to push it off until later. I MUST work on this.

Kids need to be homeschooled. That's another chunk out of my day that requires my attention and planning and that can not be pushed off. It's also a top priority.

Honestly, driving is low priority to me personally, but I know it needs to happen. It's low priority because we don't have the money for me to get my own car. It'll raise the rates of our insurance. I have to take the kids with me, which means it's extra work to go without Bill, not less. And frankly, I don't trust myself to have access to craft stores every day. My wallet will NOT be happy, even if I blissfully am! I can say no on internet stores, but holding something in person? I'm buying it. Having a car to go down there every single time I get a new craft idea that I become crazy passionate over? Not good. Having a license certainly will not do the great things for me that the other items on the list will. It's certainly not quite as important. However, it's a big deal to everyone else, so I'm doing that too and I can't push it off forever. Even my doctor scolded me about not having one yet, though he completely understood how busy I've been through my late teens and into twenties.

Looking over that, it seems like I have a dozen things vying for top priority spot and not a single one of them are willing to step down. Which means I need to divide myself in that many ways, get a really good schedule going, and start working each item into my daily and weekly time slots. This is going to be an extremely busy year, but hopefully by the end, it'll have me happier and satisfied until the rest of my life can catch up and we can finally see what's possible and what's not possible, what dreams must be given up and what's still obtainable.

July post - catching up

We're now half way through July!

The last week of June and the first week of July were really rough on me. It was pretty much nonstop anxiety and panic attacks. I was having extreme pain in my ovary. It felt like I was walking around with a knife stuck in it, and every time I moved, the knife jabbed and turned. To add to this, my cycles have been all over the place - one cycle was three weeks, and two weeks after I got that period, I got my next one. I was terrified that my ovary was rupturing (something I didn't even know could happen prior to this past January!) or a tumor was growing from it, or cancer had come back. I was a mess.

I called up the doctor after four days of the pain with no signs of it going away. Five days after that, I went in for a check up and ultrasound. They couldn't find anything wrong with my ovary, and said both ovary and uterus were fine. They didn't even see any cysts.. There was an assistant doctor there, and my doctor explained my whole story, from tumor, cancer, miscarriage, ectopic, and the fact that I'm missing half of my reproductive parts and only have one ovary and uterus left in there. He finished by saying "and she has children! Isn't that amazing?" Sometimes I forget that it IS amazing and my kids really are miracles. My body has been through so much, but it's also exceeded all expectations and did more than any doctor ever thought it would. He acknowledged that, understandably, it does come with the cost of medical paranoia and anxiety.

He couldn't answer the pain problem, but I think it's a severely strained or torn muscle and ligaments. It's been three weeks and the pain is still there. Heating pads and careful working is getting me through the day. I haven't been able to pick up the kids or run around for nearly a month.

In business news, I'm expanding. My angel store is doing well, but I feel like it can do much better if I push it. I'm going to be opening a second store that features babies for welcome baby gifts, baby showers, etc. as I've had so many people tell me that I should do it, that I am!

In addition, I'm going to start reaching out to my community. I'm going to ask local hospitals if they'd like to stock my items, and seek out local stores and stand opportunities. There's a new farmer's market that is literally across the street from my house. If I could get the town's approval to set up a table there with my angels and babies, I could just carry it across the street. It would be easy enough to check in on the kids, and get Bill to exchange with me during bathroom breaks, and get some food from home. It would be ideal, so I'm going to make a bunch of babies and ask for permission to set up. If I can sell just 5 babies each month, I can afford Katie's ballet tuition, all of her extra ballet costs, pay for gifts at holidays and birthdays, expand my business further, keep the charity going, and maybe put away a few dollars into savings (the last one is stretching it though!)

If opening a second business, prepping to set up at a stand each weekend, calling/emailing/visiting businesses, running a charity, homeschooling the kids and keeping up a house wasn't enough work, I'm also doing Camp Nanowrimo - a month full of writing where I need to write at least 2-3 thousand words a day. Today is exactly two weeks into it, and I have 30,000 words - half way through my first draft. I'm also 4 weeks out since I submitted my book to publishers, which means I have 8 more weeks until I hear back about it. My goal is to have my current novel ready to send off by the time I hear about the one that's already out.

This has been the craziest year of my life. I've been thrown through so many loops and so many new things are happening. Have I ever been this busy before? Even when taking a full college load and working 6-10 hours a night, I don't think I was this super busy. But it's fulfilling. I'm chasing dreams and making them come true. I've been a writer for twenty years and never got far enough to actually start submitting to publishers. I always got frustrated or lost confidence or just couldn't figure out how to make it work. Now I'm writing more than I have in seven years and I should have at least two novels submitted to publishers by the end of the year, with another novel (one already written from when I was teenager) soon after that.

Plus I've always wanted a successful craft business, but lacked time, finances and marketing. I'm able to tackle it much better now than ever before, and because the craft I make really means something to me, I have a lot of motivation to keep pushing and working on it. I feel more alive now than I have in a while, because I have two amazing kids, a very supportive husband, and hobbies that are turning into money. While 2016 is still so rocky, I'm hoping that by the time 2017 rolls around, I'll be doing really well!

What I've Been Up to.....

It's been over a month since my last post. What have I been up to?

In short - everything!

I have the Angel of Mine business up and running, and it's going well. I'm able to support the charity that I launched this month, as well as break even with all the investment I've been doing. As long as I'm not going in the negatives with the charity or business, I'm happy. Once I have everything I need, I can start having actual income to do more with the charity. I'm currently sitting at $4 in the positive after charity is finished for the month and I expanded the business to include 8 more angel designs.

I sent in my first novel to be reviewed by publishers on June 11th. It's been my lifelong dream to get published, so I'm going after it now. If the first place denies me (which I'm expecting, because honestly, who ever gets published on their first try? No one) I have a few back ups to immediately send it back out to.

I'm also writing a new novel, the first new novel I've written in years. Most of what I've done in the last decade is edit and redo old novels that are already completed.

I'm opening up my old business, Homespun Dreams, and expanding what I offer. The hats did great last time, but I want more. I'm going to offer the baby version of the angels I make for baby showers and welcome baby gifts, as well as sculpting cake toppers of all kinds and doing wedding stuff. I'll also be breaking out my sewing machine and doing some seamstress work for the business as well. Since July is about finishing my new novel, celebrating the 4th of July, Katie's birthday, my birthday, Elizabeth's memorial, and Bill being home for a whole week due to shut down week, I decided to slowly work on getting items up and then launching the store in August.

I should be hearing back from the publishers by September. I'm hoping to get my next book out for publishing by that month as well, which means I have A LOT of work to do. So far my terrible first draft is 15,000 words long and is bare bones. July is going to get the rest of the bare bones down, and August is going to have many revisions and beta work.

Bill is looking into going to school for two years to be an Engineer after people at his job approached him with the offer. He already has two years in, and his work has taken an interest in him and is willing to send him for free schooling and on his work shift - so he'd only work for a few hours, then go to school for a few hours. This will not only get us more money, but it'll make him more valuable for transferring down South. The Upper West of North Carolina, around Winston-Salem, is still our #1 choice, but we're putting Macon, Georgia back on the table as well. Things are so much cheaper there, we'd be able to buy more of a home, it's beautiful, close to Disney, has a lot of farmer markets and Alton Brown (no, Alton Brown isn't actually why I'd move there...but it's a fun tidbit!) Another fun tidbit about this job change - New Zealand is in very high demand for Engineers, and we're both very interested in going there as soon as we get the money and seeing if it's a viable choice for us. I've been talking with people who moved there from other countries, and there's nothing but positivity. It's a long shot that I'm not even sure I want to happen any time soon, but it's worth noting. ;)

Meanwhile, we have no idea where we are with IVF. Both of us still feel called to try for another baby. Staying at his work means we can't get insurance that way, but there's still Starbucks to consider. We aren't making any decisions or plans this year, both of us feel like next year will give us an answer either way. We're in such a transitional phase with careers, businesses, moving opportunities, schooling, etc that we know it's impossible to really plan anything right now. But with everything changing, something might either open up the chance for IVF or will securely close the door, and we both think next year will be when that happens. Knowing that IVF is pretty much out of our hands and the stars have to align to make it happen is a bit calming and less stressful. There's still every chance of it happening, I just don't know if those chances are going to work perfectly to create the ability to do IVF yet.

Starbucks

I've been so crazy busy lately! I picked writing back up, am trying to get short stories published (mostly for the $200 each payments) and am trying to get a novel published this summer (to finally fulfill that dream). I'm also working on a brand new novel.

I'm also working hard at my organization. The store isn't doing too badly - I've now made back all of my initial put in cost, and am just waiting for more funding to launch my charity - which hopefully I'll be doing in less than two weeks on June 1st.

I also managed to LET GO of so much stuff I never could before. Our attic is practically empty. I reduced our baby things down to a single tote (labelled as Our Baby Hopes and Dreams on it) and we let go of so many toys, giant stuffed animals, and clothing. In it's place, I'll have a craft room, a sewing table, and a writing desk.

However, even with so much happening right now, my mind has never left the idea of IVF. While it seems like there's little chance in us getting it through Bill's work, I have found one single ray of hope that has helped many other women in non-mandated states that can't afford to shell out 15k per month. Starbucks has 80% coverage of all IVF and meds. It's only part time work, and benefits kick in after only one month. It has a 15k lifetime limit, which means we'd probably get two cycles out of it (we were already told that we don't need diagnostic testing, which is half of the price normally)

So now I'm thinking to next year. There's a Starbucks about twenty minutes away from us in two different directions (Muhlenburg and Lehigh Mall). Either Bill or I will probably get a job there for three months. It'll be harder for me to work there, even though that was originally my plan, because I'll need to go to the doctors so often and I'll be going through surgery and injections while also needing to work. So it may be Bill's second job for a short time, we'll see. Next year may bring Bill back to college for Engineering, which would mean no time for a part time job on top of a full time job and school load.

This is currently our only option, so we're keeping it in mind and allowing our small hopes to feed off of it for now. Hope was a scary thing before, but now it's becoming a good thing. Uplifting. We'll see where this takes us.

Other places to look into: Staples, Fed Ex and Bank of America

Note - Disney covers some IVF, look into if that extends to Disney Stores

Kinkos - three IVF tries + 3,000$ towards meds, needs 32 hours weekly.

Dreams and Yard Sales

The other day, I had a wonderful dream. It was short, and it would have been boring if it didn't mean so much to me.

I had a dream that Bill and I were just sitting on the bed, in silence, at night time. In my arms was the most perfect little infant. I remarked about how the baby was such a perfect, quiet, sweet baby, and how happy I was that we decided to go through with everything to have another. I kept saying that it was so worth it. Then Bill mentioned "she" and I said "it could be a boy, we don't know," like my brain couldn't decide. Bill replied with "no honey, we do know. It's a girl, remember?" It's interesting that even in my own dream, I'm wrong about the gender! Bill has been right, in real life, 100% of the time now.

That was is. Just laying with our sweet baby cradled in our arms, that baby being perfectly content to just stare back at us with all of it's newness. I woke up feeling so comforted and at peace, and feeling stronger in my conviction to at least try for another.

Yard sales this morning, where I found everything I ever wanted for a baby but couldn't buy, also made me feel the need to try for another. I'm so obviously not done having children. It did make me sad though, to see all the baby stuff - two stands with matching twin everything - when had things gone differently, I'd be pregnant with twins right now and buying two of everything.

So when I got home, I focused on the charity. I had an order for a set of twins last night and a baby boy angel, so I got to work. I spent a lot of time with the kids, teaching them video games, making our traditional Saturday dinner, and drinking chocolate milk. It's a lazy Saturday to just enjoy what I have...and think about what I want.

I'm enjoying my new business. So far I've sold four angels, and have about 3/4th of my start up money back. As soon as I've sold about 10 angels, I'll have enough to start up my charity. I have about $60 worth of supplies I need yet, plus repaying the start up money. While it's probably going to take most of next month to get things situated and paid back, I really enjoy what I'm doing. I'm getting to personalize these sweet sleeping babies for those who need the comfort of having something to remember their babies by. It's a really neat feeling.

Day One of Store Opening

The store is up, running and being used! In just one full day, 4 people favorited my shop, 137 views, 28 favorites on my babies, one online sale, one pending sale on a request and one sale at Bill's work. For one day of work, I think that's pretty good!

Tomorrow will be a great day, I get my clay and my organza baggies, which means I can make my current orders and get them bagged to be sent out. Wednesday is when I get my shipping boxes. I decided to forgo the business cards until I have more money to spare, so I wrote up a page with my logo as the header, a picture of a girl,boy, and neutral baby at the bottom, and our mission statements and websites in it. I'll be printing them out and giving them with each baby, and hopefully they can be passed around and used. I plan on putting one up at Bill's work as well. Working at the biggest employment place in Berks, it should give me an exposure to thousands. 

Eager to keep this going. If I can sell 10 angels, I can repay from the funds that I borrowed for the supplies I put into this and get the charity up and running. Hopefully with each angel I sell, I can get a few new people to follow if they tell their friends and family. 

This is definitely an exciting adventure. Hopefully throughout the week it'll keep up and business will continue! I'm eager to start up my charity as soon as possible. 

A totally new check list? Yep!

Thought that the last list of things I needed to do for the charity would be all that I needed to do, but hah, not even close! (and on second thought, maybe I SHOULD have opened that blog to journal the charity, as it's taking over quite a bit of this blog. However, it's still part of my healing with infertility and loss, and honestly there's not much to write about outside of the charity. Nothing so far has changed, except that the charity work has made me more energetic and happier than I've been since everything happened.)

The last list was my step up to start the foundation. This list is everything needed so I can actually start sending out the angels and selling them.

EDIT: It's only a few hours since I wrote up the list and now have changes!

• I need at least 1 lb of clay. By my estimations on how many ounces it takes per angel, that should get me about 5 angels. Not much, but it's a start. 1 lb = $12. I would love to get the 3 lb for $30, but I don't even have the $12 to scrap together yet after dishing out almost $50 just for the clay molds.  Bill sweetly decided to donate the $12 from his overtime check to the cause, so I ordered the 1 lb of clay to get me started!
• I need shipping boxes. Not the free priority kind that come from the post office, as they would cost an arm and a leg to ship these very light pieces, but small, sturdy ones from amazon. They cost $17 for 50 of them, which is the smallest quantity offered.  What's clay without shipping boxes? I downgraded the size to fit the angel better and ordered 50 for $12. I also signed up for free Amazon prime to get this and the clay shipped for free. Now hopefully I'll be able to remember to sign back OFF of the prime before they charge me $100! Luckily, I had $20 I've been saving to spend on these boxes. I wanted it to be the start of my new camera fund, but first things first. 
• I need a baggie for the angel to go into. Sure, this is mostly presentation and a voice inside of me says "hey, start SMALL," but first impressions are everything. I want everything to be perfect right from the beginning so that word of mouth will spread. Luckily, I found 50 of them in 5x7in for $2 (thank you, China!) Since I saved some money on the boxes, I went ahead and bought these too. I actually skipped getting them from China as I would have had to wait until the end of May or middle of June to get them - much too far away. I spent $6 and got 100 white organza bags, shipping from California.
• I need business cards. Vistaprint is $10 per 500, so I'll probably be going with them. It may cost a little more though, as I want the back printed as well. With shipping, it'll probably be closer to $20-25. Eek 
• I want to get little stickers with the charity logo. I know, again that's only for presentation and totally necessary? Probably not. But these would be from Shutterfly, which I have multiple $20 off coupons for. So I'd probably only pay overpriced shipping of $7-ish. 
• I need to create Etsy listings. These are about $0.20 cents a piece. I want to make a lot of them to get them out there. Most crafters I talk to say you barely see any purchases until you have at least 50 items in your store. Well, it'll take me forever to get to 50, but I'd like to create a lot of options and list them. 
• I need a bigger audience. I need to find a way to spread word about the charity to the people it matters most to. I'll probably be contacting other miscarriage/baby loss charities to ask if they'd be willing to help with this. 
• I need to figure out EXACTLY what's going into the comfort packets besides the angel. I'd like to have a card that has a comforting bible verse on it for those struggling, a few business cards to be handed out, and maybe one or two other things. I'm going to look around at what others that are gone now once offered. They need to be inexpensive, but a nice added touch.

I think the rest is done. Paypal set up, two emails set up (one for main and one for donations), website finished (I even replaced all the pictures that only had logos in them with actual angel pics now), facebook page up, logo finalized, a baby for each catagory made and photographed, etsy account made, twitter done, pinterest done, pretty much every way to get the word out on the internet has an account and has been worked on. 

Phew, I've been super busy in the last two weeks! This doesn't include the fact that I decided to also start writing again, and have spent every minute not already accounted for by children, cooking, housecleaning and charity stuff, on writing. I wake up at 5:30 AM, start writing around 6 AM and spend 1-2 hours on charity and writing, then work on it as I can throughout the day, then it's the last thing I do at night. Repeat, repeat, repeat. And yet I'm super energetic and excited every day now!