Month Late Resolution

It may be February, but I have a new resolution. One I couldn't start in January because it was too impossible. But now...

2017 will be a year full of joy and free of anxiety.

I'm always afraid of January. And the first week of February had a doctor appointment to determine if my ovary was trying to kill itself and possibly need exploratory surgery. I was so scared I was having panic attacks and sobbing. But January went over smoothly and the doctor appointment revealed that while I'm still getting cysts and they're rupturing, they're only half the size and the pain is manageable. The birth control is working.

I need a relief from the constant worry and debilitating fear that's taken over my life for the last year. I need calm and joy, so that's what I'm going to choose to seek out. I have the assurance of my ultrasound yesterday and my doctor that says my reproductive parts, the parts I worry most about, are totally fine. I'm going to take that and run with it.

I'm going to fill my head with thoughts of spring and sunshine and warmth. I'm going to eagerly watch as flowers bloom and warm walks begin and we can get out our bikes. I'm going to start working out and reclaim the body I miss. I'm going to write without care and edit ruthlessly until I can feel confident again and start sending out submissions. I'm going to find a way to find confidence to go on business meetings and work on expanding my business. I'm going to make dreams come true. 2016 started my dreams, 2017 is going to push them to start blossoming.

This will be my year. I'm going to make it my year. 2018 will be a dream come true after I'm done with 2017.