January is still trying to curse me, unfortunately.
Today we got FMLA for Bill for when I have my problems and end up in the hospital. I had to go see my doctor to get the papers filled and I told him about how my ovary still is tender even after all this time since the last rupture, plus the fact that I had 4 ruptures last year.
On the papers, he listed that he may want to do an exploratory surgery.
This is hell for me. The thought of another surgery and of what they could find sends my carefully controlled anxiety through the roof in ways I can't handle. My husband told me about it and I instantly shut down - I became exhausted, my body felt heavy, and my heart raced. This was how I felt constantly all of 2016. Then my husband and I decided that we were going to try very hard to be positive and hopeful and 2017 has been full of energy and smiles. Then today happened and 2016 feelings reared their head again.
I'm praying that at the next appointment, my ultrasound looks good enough to not warrant going under again, another hospital stay, more belly scars. Hopefully, there will be enough improvement that we'll be able to take a more wait and see approach.
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